A Dog’s Monotonous Schedule

Every day was monotonous.
I would wake up with him gone by my bedside, already bustling to go to work. He’d tell me he had already made breakfast–which only consisted of a two partially burnt pieces of toast and a tasteless egg in between it. He’d rush out the door, fixing his necktie and dusting off remnants of two days ago off his suit. He’ll open the car door and hop in; but he’ll always turn his head to face me and mouth the words, “be good.”

I’d stay at home, waiting for him to come back.
There wasn’t much I could do. He always managed to keep most of the things clean. The only thing I could do is wait for him to come back.
I’d try to bring out his favorite snacks when he comes home since he’s usually hungry, but in the end, he tells me I shouldn’t and that he could do it himself.

So all I do is wait.

I don’t mind not going outside for too long, there isn’t anything remotely interesting out there anyway.

When he comes home, he’ll throw his suitcase on the sofa and exhale loudly. He’ll turn the TV on for background noise. It was always on the same channel–The news. That’s when I’ll come by his side and he’ll tell me what happened in the day. I liked how he would always talk to me like this. After he’d tell me about his day, he would call his mother up on the phone and ask how she’s doing.
I go into the TV room during their conversation since I don’t want to seem too needy for attention.

So all I do is wait.

I don’t mind the images that flash on the screen or the noises that emit, it isn’t anything remotely interesting there anyway.

After he finishes his call, he calls me over to the kitchen and we eat together. Sometimes he’ll conversing about what was on TV or talk to me about his random ponderings. Although most of what I hear is total nonsense, my favorite time is when we go to sleep. We’ll sleep together in this big bed of ours, and I’ll wake up to another monotonous day.

It was a little different a few days ago, however.

The morning started as it should, him telling me my breakfast was already in the kitchen and that I should eat, and him rushing out the door as usual. But, around the time he was supposed to come back, he didn’t. I allowed myself to wait a little longer since sometimes he would be wrapped up in a deal and would end up going out to drink. However, he was gone for a long time. I started to feel a little insecure, so I turned the TV on for background noise as he usually had.

To my surprise, he was on TV!
What’s he doing there, I thought. Maybe it’s just a guy that looks a lot like him, but they definitely wouldn’t smell the same. I guess he did something to get his picture on the TV. What looked like his car was a complete mess, it was all mixed with two other cars, squished together. I should definitely tell him when he comes back about the man on TV that looked like him.

So all I do is wait.

I don’t mind waiting longer than I should, since doing things without him isn’t anything remotely interesting anyway.

He didn’t come back home at all, so I shut the TV off. I crawled over to the kitchen, and ate some leftover bacon. I wonder if he called his mom yet?
I went into our room and curled up on my side and closed my eyes. For some reason, it seems a lot colder and a lot bigger without him here. That’s when I decided.

I can’t just wait here.

I waited enough, so I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.
I got up from bed and briskly walked through the kitchen and to the door. But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I stood there, watching the door for any movements. There were none.

I started feeling very insecure.

I went back to bed and curled into his side of the bed. It smells a lot like him, so even though he wasn’t there, I felt like I would see him again in the morning.

A Failed Dream

Oh, such a girl!
Dainty and sweet,
Lovely and cheery,
With red rosy cheeks!

No one would see
Past her little dark eyes,
The dream she had,
To fly through the skies!

They told her ‘no,’
(It was never ‘yes,’)
They’d crush her and mush her
For she was ‘Princess’

The ones that laughed
And pointed and sneered
Until her dreams crashed
And became unclear!

Those little dark eyes
Had turned pitch black;
No color, no sun,
No more to lack!

Her smile was gone,
But fabricated,
Such weak curved lips,
But elaborated!

She hid it well,
Those crying sobs,
‘Til HE came forth
(A local heartthrob!)

‘Was he a prince?’
They’d mutter by her,
‘Would he help she,
The princess, conquer?’

No, he wouldn’t
For he was an ass
Nothing more but a
Pompous jackass!

He had only loved
His face and his feet,
And thought of her
As only sweetmeat!

The King and Queen
Thought he was rad,
Despite the fact
She said he’s bad!

They forced her to marry
A nasty narcissist.
They said she’d be happy
(But she wouldn’t exist!)

She sat alone
Many years later,
That gross king dead,
And she, no greater.

Inside, she rot
Of dead hopes and dreams
She slit her throat;
Blood dripped down her seams.

Oh, such a girl!
Coarse and bitter,
Drab and gloomy,
A lame, pale quitter!

Assassin

You’re terribly mean.
You’ve secretly stabbed my heart
With such pointed knives
Ripping up this heart apart.

You softly whispered
Sweet, kind words into my ear
With our eyes both shut,
I still felt your presence near.

Idioticly
I felt safe in your embrace
But kept ignorant
That I was there to replace

The feelings you felt
Towards a person like me
Were nothing to match
Towards the feelings for she.

Slowly, I’m hurting
The pain took form of bullets
Continuously
Shooting me without limits

Those empty questions
I’ve left for you to answer
Were never answered
So I was left more denser
Than I’ve ever felt
Before.

Replacement

She’s gone now, but it’s okay.

He looked down at the wooden body that lay upon the rusty operating table in front of him. It donned a yellow summer dress, her wooden fingers holding a daisy. The stringy hair atop her head was let loose upon the table, her hollow eyes facing forward and unchanging expression stared back at him.

Because I have you.

A tear dropped down from his eye, splashing upon the wooden girl’s wooden cheek.

He turned around and walked out of the room, shutting the lights off and closing the door behind him.
The thunder crashed.
The broken window whistled air through its crevices, softly touching the wooden girl. The rain pattered onto the thin glass, dripping into the room. The thunder roared under the moonless night.
The trail of water leaked from the window sill onto the arm of the dry, lifeless doll. Suddenly, the thunder shot loudly, crushing a tree to fall upon the already weakened window. The tree broke into the small room, covering the wooden girl. With a bang, the thunder lit a fire upon the tree, and caught on the small little building the girl resided in.

In flames, the room burned in a flaming inferno.

The next day, the man ran into the rubble, fearing the worst for his toy. He pushes the tree off the operating table with all his might, but it refused to move even an inch. His eyes begin to well up with tears until he heard a faint noise behind him.
He turns back to see the doll, standing upright. She looked at him with her hollow eyes. In her wooden hands, she clutched a daisy, dying and torn. Her arms were tinted with a charcoal swipe.
Her lips stood still.

He looked at her with joy, swiftly running to her and holding her torso tight in his arms. His eyes leaked tears as his unfading smile stayed on his face as he slid upon the floor, still holding her.

Her mouth began to move, slowly opening and closing. He looks up to face her hollow eyes, and looked at her lips. Her clenched fingers let go of the daisy she held, and slowly moved up to the man’s neck. She turns her head to face him, and the words became clear as she squeezed as tight as she could.

“Die.”

Mistress

She sat in her seat with her hands on her lap and leaned back. The chair bent on an angle.

“That’d be great if that ever happened,” she said with a smile, closing her eyes.

Her phone buzzed on the desk.
She straightened her back and opened her eyes as she sighed. She eyed her phone as it buzzed some more.

“Ben?”

She looked at the phone with confusion.

“But he never calls…”

She picked up the phone, fearing the reason for his call would mean something negative.

“Ben?”

The sounds in the background were of the windy air.

“Can I see you now?”

His voice sounded choked and strained, as if he was trying to hold something back.

“Ben? What’s wrong?”
“Please? I… I need to see you.”

She paused.

What does he want? She thought.

“Okay. Where are you?”
“I’m outside.”
“Where outside?”
“The park by the Rec center.”
“Okay, I’m coming. Wait for me, okay?”
“… Always,” he mumbles.

Ben hangs up.
She moved her phone from the side of her face and looked at the phone in her hands.

“What does he mean by that…?”

With confusion, she gets up and puts on a jacket, grabbing her phone and swiftly walking out the door with her slippers.
The Recreation center was only a block away, so she didn’t bother to grab her bike as usual.

In the distance, she saw a lanky figure crouched over by the swing set.

“Ben!” She called.

He looks up from the corner of his eye, and gets up slowly.

“Hey, you,” he smiles warmly.

The breeze bobbed past; the leaves on the ground flew upwards and twirled in the air between them.
His nose was reddened, his eyes sparkling with the shine of water.

“What’s up?”
“Remember when we were little, we used to go on these swings? You on the left, me in the middle and Cheryl on the right?”
“Yeah… Why?”
“Just wanted to say,” he said with a smile as he looked at the swings.

His eyes had a wistful look into them.

“What’s wrong with you, Ben?”
“It’s nothing really,” he said, still smiling softly. “I just wanted to see you again.”
“What? Just look at pictures of me,” she laughs. “Don’t talk so serious, it’s weird.”
“You’re still the same as ever,” he smiles back at her.

Ben took out his hands from his pocket and held the metal bar hoisting the swings.

“You know how I’m going out with Cheryl, right?”

So this is what it’s about.

“She’s… I don’t know what to say about her anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s crazy, Jen.”
“About you, yeah, for still staying with a straight-laced guy like you,” she smiles.
“No, I mean she’s literally crazy.”

Her smile fades.

“What do you mean, ‘crazy’?”
“She keeps talking about marriage…”
“You guys have been together for almost ten years anyway. I don’t see how that’s a problem,” she said, looking away.
“It’s a big problem, Jen.”
“…How…?” She looks at her slippers. “You guys are perfect together,” she forces a smile, then looks up.

Ben looked her in the eye, the seriousness beaming from the framed picture of his eyes.

“I’m tired of her. She’s too much.”

His gaze softened.

“I don’t want to deal with her anymore,” he said clearly.
“That’s so mean,” Jen said, trying to keep her voice unwavering. “Why not?”
“Because she’s not the kind of person I want to be by forever…”
“What’s wrong with you?” Jen looks back at those serious looking eyes.
“What?”
“I feel offended,” she says, turning away. “So I’m an awkward third party to whine all your problems to?”
“Jen?”
“I don’t want to hear about your problems.”
“Jen, please listen to me.”

Jen looks away, wrapping her arms around herself to stay warm. He lets go of the bars and walks towards her.

“Jen…”
“Go away.”

He stood in front of her, then pulls her chin upwards softly. She jerks away, facing away from his eyes.

“Look at me, Jen.”

Her eyes fill themselves with tears, falling over to the side.

“I don’t want to do this again. Not to Cheryl.”
“Don’t think about Cheryl. Just come with me.”

She turns back slowly, looking back at his deep blue eyes. Ben pulls her close, putting his arms around her, his head atop hers.

“I love you the most, Jen.”

Regretting Once

You faced the ground
With uncertainty
Your voice was soft
And quiet

But after a leave
Of absence
Your eyes diverted from
The ground
Your voice became loud
And bright

I’ve never seen those
Clear eyes
I’ve never heard that
Unclouded voice
More and more I’ve
Wanted you
Settled by my side

I’ve tried to let
Those eyes
Look at me more
I’ve appeared
To make you look
At me

I’ve tried to let
Those lips
Speak to me only
I’ve listened
To remember every word
You’ve said

The one thing I’ve
Regretted most
Was not letting these
Hands hold
Those hands of yours
And say
“Hey, I love you”
Then hope
Your words would be
“Me too”

The Escape to Sea

She said, “goodbye.”
“Kyle,”
She said, “farewell,”
As she threw the rock
That flew from the hands
Of the person with
The short water bottle.

Throwing a rock out
Into the open ocean floor
I am the rock
That flew from the hands
Of the person with
The short water bottle.

How I wished I stood
In those clutched fingers
Forever

She held it tight,
That monster of hers,
The one she caressed
So lovingly.
It wasn’t real,
Not even distinct,
That loud, little monster
Of hers.

I watched her,
Holding that creature
Tightly in her arms.
Her crying expression,
The loneliness that spewed
From the depths
Of her eyes

That pooled with
The glistening sparkle
Of loneliness

I reached my hand out
And touched her back;
She looked at me
With those
Lonely eyes

I wanted to make
That sparkle
Mean something different
I wanted to be
Something different;
Something different
Just for her

The days flew by
Her lonely eyes
Continued to sparkle
Why, I asked,
Why would they
Sparkle like that?

The restriction,
Her wants
Her needs
Her everything
I wanted to be

Those glistening eyes
Sparked one day
Into a red rage
Then
Flushed into blue
When she met mine.

Her eyes,
Those glistening eyes
Came back to me
Only me

I feared,
Those eyes would
Only drain tears
If it was only me
Who’d seen these eyes

I turned away
The want to be
Her wants
Her needs
Her everything

She spoke,
I listened
But I had
To look away
From those eyes
Those lonely eyes

One night,
I couldn’t stop
The pain that ate
The bottom
Of my heart
Like a hungry
Beast

I couldn’t
Continue
The continuous play
Of pretend

I looked at her
Up at those eyes
Her eyes glistened
With a clear
Colored yellow

She smiled,
She laughed,
She gave me
Everything
But the role
Of being the one
To give

She walked off
Into the distance
With an unfamiliar face
And name
She never spoke of

Did she
Say that name before?

I sat on the shore
My heart becoming
An empty shell

She picked me up
And said, “goodbye.”
“Kyle,”
She said, “farewell,”
As she threw the rock
That flew from the hands
Of the person with
The short water bottle.

Throwing a rock out
Into the open ocean floor
I am the rock
That flew from the hands
Of the person with
The short water bottle.

Introvert

Sadly, I’m only
But an introverted freak;
I’d rather my games,
My fantasies, my stories.
I’d rather my friend
This tattered soft plush bunny,
For she’d never leave.

But you,you’re a prince–
One I’d never imagine
Who’d step into this world of mine.

Oh, but it’s alright
If you’d decided to leave.
It would be more like
Avoiding someone like me.
Oh please, just go on;
Take your suitcase,and that car
Take it all away–

I know that there’s none
To pull me from the darkness;
I’m sinking lower;
Sinking into the dark depths
Of that vast, black sea.

I would run away from you,
Hiding myself in the past
To let myself see
That one day it will soon pass;
That hateful feeling
Of becoming thrown aside.

Sadly, I’m only
But an introverted freak;
I’d rather these things
That would have never left me
The way you’ve left me.

The Runner Who Runs

Dedicated to the Seal with a Smile.

I sit in my room,
Close my eyes for it to come;
Imagination.
I see him run far away.
He is very fast.

He’s always running,
On land and in the big sea.
You would see it too;
He swims as fast as a fish,
Like he belongs there.

I smile a big smile,
Wondering if he’d come visit.
I would ask him things
Like, “Where are you heading off to?”
“Do you like to run?”

But he never stops.
He stops for no one at all.
“Would he stop for me?”
I think a lot of those things.
But he does not stop.

I know he doesn’t.
I know he won’t stop for me.
He’s always running
He’s running away from me.

He doesn’t see me.
He could never, ever see.
A tear from my eye;
It falls from the loneliness.
Bye, Runner, Goodbye.

Another Brother

We were only friends,
But had a bond that meant more.
The closer we were,
You were family to me.

Another brother;
That is what you are to me.
But, things have changed now.
Your actions, movements
The way you held my hand tight:

I wanted to fight
All the feelings I had
Towards your presence
So I drove my feelings
Deep inside my heart.

But day after day,
I found that they grew strong
Without my knowing.

I tried to hide them all,
But I think they’ve been found out.

I have been thinking
About everything you’ve done
Hoping, secretly
That they have meant something more

But once it was found
You somehow evaded it
And dodged every touch.

Do you know how cold,
Boring, and lonely it is
Without you with me?